Two people are better than one… But it is bad for the person who is alone… a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break.
Let me share a joke with you. A young man once asked a sage, Sir, when should I tell my wife that I love her? He replied, “Before someone else does!”
In the previous part two of this blog, I said that spiritual health is pivotal. All other things hinge on it. The quality of your relationships, your work ethic, even the way you spend money can be a mirror of your spiritual state and health.
We all can do with some improvement in some area of our lives. Today, we begin to talk about improving our lives through a commitment to having continual improvement in our relationships. Good relationships are essential to a successful life. No one ‘succeeds’ alone and feels fulfilled at the end.
In one of my blog articles dealing with communication in relationships, Tête-à-tête – Before You Speak, I talked about, “our dearest relationships with our spouses and children; our cherished ones with our friends and relations; and our essential ones with our bosses and colleagues.” All relationships in our lives are important one way or the other.
Good relationships are vital to having a good life. If your relationships are not in good condition, they can constitute a crippling effect on almost everything else in your life. This is more so if you are married and your marriage is distressed.
You may know of people who were in satisfactory condition before they got married, but their entire world crumbled afterwards. There are also those whose lives were literally in shambles but were set on a blissful course after they said, ‘I do’. What is the difference? Why is this so?
I believe marriages have common issues bordering on companionship, money, sex, respect, love, in-laws etc. Some people see their in-laws as out-laws, and some in-laws do behave like out-laws.
Nevertheless, the difference between a good or bad marriage mainly lies in how a couple chooses to handle the challenges they face, which typically, is based on their underlying belief systems or values. The same goes for any other relationships.
There are principles (or laws) that govern marriage. Jimmy Evans has encapsulated them in the Four Laws of Love: Priority, Pursuit, Partnership and Purity. I cannot begin to discuss them here. To have a good marriage relationship spouses must live their life in agreement with them. To be candid, if you put them to practice, whether you are a Christian or not, they would work for you, and many unwittingly do put them into practice and get the tremendous results they bring.
I am not claiming to be perfect here, nor do I possess the knowledge of all things. I have had the sad and painful experience of divorce in marriage. It is not a good thing. We did not commit to these principles in our relationship; neither did we put them into practice. Now, I am remarried and committed to these principles. Joy and fulfillment in marriage are possible!
You need to be responsible in your relationships for them to work. Pointing the finger compounds problems and creates no solutions. Do not even begin to blame the devil. That would be a poor cop-out. Pointing the finger is what ‘children’ do.
Paul said, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” Now that you are grown-up, have you put childish ways behind you?
From the above quote, see the order in which children operate. They talk first before they think or reason out a matter. In adult life, childish ways do not work. Put childish ways behind you.
Be committed to discovering God’s plan and purpose for your relationship. Take time to discover what He says about relationships in His Word. Then practically apply what you learn. God’s Word works if you work it! And as they say, “it takes two to do the Tango”
Do not over-spiritualise issues, such that your relationship suffers. What do I mean? You cannot be casting out devils from your spouse when you are having disagreements; you cannot go to all-night prayer meetings every day ostensibly to pray for your marriage, that is foolishness.
You cannot be tongue-lashing your spouse in the name of correcting him or her with the Word and expect them to change for the better.
You do not go to prophets who ‘prophesy’ that your spouse is the reason for your lack of progress in life and expect to have a good relationship.
You cannot have the mindset that your job, even the work of ministry, is more important, and then prioritise it above your marriage and not have Satan take advantage of you. It will tear both of you apart; your relationship with God and the work of ministry are not substitutable, they are not the same. Be wise my friend, the days are evil.
See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil.
Also, do a personal self-test in some essentials for relationship building: Time-together, Commitment, Good Communication, Kindness, Patience, Giving, Love and Respect. How do you score: poor, average, good or excellent? Do your ideas and actions on these issues reflect God’s principles? No matter how well you are doing, there is always room for improvement.
Spending time with those you have relationships with is vital for improvement in your life and theirs. Prioritise. Giving your time requires commitment, but unlike other commitments (financial for example), meaningful presence is required of you. This is a challenge for many. Still, regular one-on-one fellowship is indispensable.
Your friendships get better primarily because you spend qualitative and quantitative time with your friends. You do not take those fellowship times and communication with them for granted. You watch ‘the game’ together.
Does the relationship with your spouse tell a different story? “He is nice to me only when he wants sex.” “Can’t she think of anything else? Money… money… and more money!”
Well, let me… oh, dear my time is up!
Thank you. Do not forget to keep Living, Loving and Learning!
References: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NCV; Corinthians 13:11-12, NIV; Ephesians 5:15-16.
Related Reading:
- Taking Strides for Personal Improvement and a Successful Life- Part 1 – First Steps
- Foundation for a Meaningful Life: Taking Strides for Personal Improvement and a Successful Life –Part II
- Tete-a-Tete: Before You Speak
- Thieves of Personal Life Development
Book Referred: The Four Laws of Love: Guaranteed Success for Every Married Couple: Jimmy Evans; XO Publishing (February 2020).
