Are you in love with someone? Have you ever had cause to love anyone at any time- a child, a friend or even your spouse? At the onset of their relationship, many would die for their spouse, but presently they do not love them anymore. I hope that is not the place you are?

Love is the most powerful thing in the world. Love is deliberate action, something you do not just something you say. Love cannot be bought, no matter what is offered (Son 8:7, CEV).

Love involves the unwavering, unalloyed and unfeigned commitment of one’s life to the well-being of another, irrespective of whether the recipient of our love deserves it or not, nor reciprocates the gesture. In simple terms, it means true love is unconditional. As they say, ‘no strings attached.’ While love is not a feeling in itself, by nature it is capable of engendering feelings of tenderness. 

Love in its purest form is selflessness devoid of selfishness. Its commitment is to the person it desires to express itself towards and not to itself. It focuses on what it can give or how it can be a blessing to another, as opposed to what it can gain. On the other hand, selfishness is stinginess that emanates from a concern for one’s welfare while disregarding that of others. 

Selfish people are egocentric, which means they are limited to caring only about themselves and their own needs. They disrespect and pay no attention to the well-being of others. They feign love as a means to the end of what they can get ultimately. Their ‘kindness’ is never altruistic. But true love is unfeigned and without deceit (Rom 12:9; 2 Cor. 6:6). At the end of the day, I believe that the antithesis of love is selfishness and not hatred. 

Hatred is indeed very wrong. It is a strong feeling of aversion that gives the motivation to act wickedly. Of course, there is absolutely no iota of love in hatred, but it can be a degenerate manifestation of selfishness.

Selfish words and actions are the results of selfish thoughts. Consequently, every relationship failure will have its roots somewhere entrenched in the “What about me” mindset manifesting in one or all parties in a relationship.

As humans, we are naturally inclined to selfishness and incapable of true love. The depravity of our souls motivates us to centre on “Yours truly”- the tripod upon which humanism stands: I, me and myself. (Jer. 17:9) This is where ‘my rights’ are always ‘the right’. But when a person receives the nature of God at the New Birth, he takes on a new nature and he becomes capable of true love because God fills his heart with divine love (Rom 5:5). God is love.

Every believer in Christ can love as God loves. But ability is not the same as practice and potential must be exercised for it to be meaningful and useful. 

As a believer, you must be committed to growing and maturing in love. Believe that the love of God has been shed abroad in your heart. You can achieve this by receiving God’s word concerning true love, meditating and putting it into practice through the help of the Holy Spirit.

How one loves God reflects in how he loves others. People who love God because of what they can get from Him will inadvertently love others for what they can get from them. But those who sincerely love God for who He is will also love others for who they are.  

An African proverb comes to bear.  It says, ‘When a child runs to the hands of a father, it is not because the father has something in his hands, but because he is a father.”

God loves us for who we are to Him, not for what He gets from us (Ps 8:3-8). This is why even though we were ungodly and undeserving of His love He still gave His life for us (Rom 5:6). 

As sinners, we added no value to God, but He loved us nevertheless. This implies that until we separate a person from what he does or does not do, we will be incapable of truly loving him or her. Definitely, Love dislikes wrong in our lives while still loving us as persons (1Cor 13:6), and will seek to correct wrong in our lives, and sometimes with tough measures because He does not want us to be destroyed by sin. Sin destroys people! The truth is whether you are living in sin or not, God still loves you. And if you belong to Him, because He loves you He will discipline you if you go wrong.

I believe you must have heard statements like, ‘If you love me you will give me this or do or that for me.’ Meanwhile, ‘this or that’ is usually something the person wants to use to gratify himself with – money, sex, privilege etc. 

I often argue that when God gave Himself, He gave as an expression of love. The highest gift is the gift of one’s life. If He gave us His life, will He not much more give us all things? (Rom 8:32). He does not need to be coerced to give other things.

Also, many people love God because of what He does for them. Your love for God or anyone for that matter, will be on a wrong footing if you love Him because of the things He does for you. Satan’s finger-pointing at God in respect of Job was in this regard: “Job serves you because you protect him and all that belongs to him” (Job 1:9-11; 24-5). God and Job proved Satan wrong.

If you love God for the things He does for you, whenever you feel that God no longer “does the things” for which you ‘love’ Him, then the temptation to ditch your love for Him becomes very strong. In the face of such temptation, many abandon their faith in God, just as many people have forsaken their relationships for similar reasons. “I don’t love my husband anymore. He is not as romantic as he was.” “I need a divorce. My wife no longer meets my needs.” We must love God for who He is and not for what He gives or does for us. And loving others the same way too is true love manifesting through us.

In relationships, particularly in marriage, partners have legitimate needs for which the other party ought to be committed to helping to meet in the spirit of love. However, the so-called legitimate needs in marriage, including sex and the provision of ‘bare necessities’ or even luxuries, can be met in the absence of love (1Cor 13:3). This means a relationship can be empty or can still break even though all ‘legitimate needs’ are been met. 

In the absence of true love, a relationship can become a market place where ‘love’ becomes a trade-by-batter affair so the actual practice is, “When you give me this, then I’ll give you that.” In such a scenario the desire to seek unfailing love somewhere else could emerge, even though ‘all needs’ are been met because the ultimate desire of the human heart is unfailing love. 

True love is not “fifty-fifty.” True love is hundred-hundred,” and remains faithful even if it becomes “hundred-zero.” Friends, how do you love? Why do you love? 

Let us not love [merely] in theory or speech but in deed and truth (in practice and sincerity) 1John 3:18, AMP.

Thank you.

Do not forget to keep living, loving and learning.

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