Marriage and relationships could mean almost the same thing, the difference between them, however, is that marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman making them husband and wife, while a relationship is not as strong or intimate as a marriage, but it can be defined as ways in which two or more persons are connected, relate with and affect each other.
For this article that is objective, I will take the liberty to address both marriage and relationship in parallel situations.
Sometimes people find themselves in marriages or relationships that fail to work due to disagreements and misunderstandings. They many times have a sense of regret on their choice of partnership and sometimes take drastic decisions that end up destroying a relationship that could have been worked on or restored by the help of God.
In this article, I will try to tackle this issue from a woman’s angle especially as it concerns our roles as wives, mothers, bosses, or employees. I will be using what I call the Abigail Approach. Why? Because Abigail was a woman who found herself in a similar situation but was able to deal with the negativity around her in ways deserving emulation. Abigail’s story is recorded in the book of 1Samuel chapter twenty-five.
Abigail was a woman of great wisdom, character and strength; a woman with a loving and humble spirit. How she found herself in a terrible marriage with Nabal we may not know but after a careful study of her life, I realised that Abigail’s life and the attitude she exhibited in the situation she found herself made a way for her such that her name will forever be mentioned among the Matriarchs of the Christian faith.
These are four significant approaches Abigail took to handling some troubling situations before her.
First Approach: Courage
Abigail was a woman of great courage. Like Esther, she risked her life to save her people. An important attribute a woman must possess is courage. Courage to face whatever obstacle or challenge that comes your way. Yes, the man or husband as positioned by God is there to protect his family. But when the man is absent due to whatever reasons, it is the woman’s place to take up that responsibility.
Now, Nabal’s words and attitude to David’s request attracted danger to his household and he didn’t know or even care. Rather he got himself drunk with wine. Abigail realised the danger she and her household were in and she quickly went ahead to tackle the problem before it was too late.
She didn’t stop to think for once that the group of men she was going to meet would be drunk with rage and would not listen to whatever a woman had to say (By the way what say had a woman in such matters back then?). But Abigail chose to take the bull by the horn- and she had heaven’s backing.
What is that problem facing your family that seems like it would destroy your home? Is there no husband taking up the responsibility to deal with it? Are you a single mother or a spinster with other responsibilities placed on your shoulder? Ask God for wisdom to tackle the problem head-on and see God give you the victory in Jesus’ name.
Approach Number Two: Intercession
Abigail was an intercessor. Like Abraham, Moses, Job and Esther, she interceded for her household. Intercession is a powerful tool that God has given us to use in helping others. When we stand in the gap for people and plead their cause for mercy, they could be saved from destruction.
Take a look at Abigail’s case. With a peace offering, she interceded not just for Nabal but also David. She interceded for Nabal her first husband and saved him and her household from an impending massacre. Then she interceded for David by making sure he didn’t invite the wrath of God upon his head for unjustified murder of lives, in so doing ensuring that God’s divine plan for David to reign on the throne comes to pass. The interesting thing is that while interceding for David then, she did not know that she was also securing for herself a better future to becoming the wife to the king of Israel and Judah.
Standing in the gap for someone is not an easy task except done with the heart of love. Be it a husband or father; a supervisor or boss at work who refuses to assume their responsibility, by interceding for them you could be opening for yourself, a door of great blessings you never imagined.
Approach Number Three: Power in Our Words
Imagine someone telling a street urchin or an “area boy” as we know them in Nigeria that he is the future of our nation and that God has blessed him to lead this nation to a glorious future. It sounds absurd, right? Well, that’s exactly what happened in the case of Abigail and the “area father” David and his boys. She was a prophetic woman; she spoke prophetic words to David even when he was still a fugitive.
The words we speak have power. The Bible says that life and death lie in the power of the tongue (Pro 18:21). When you speak good words to people, you elevate them and even make them feel good about themselves. But when you speak derogatory words to them, you destroy their self-esteem and may even discourage them from attaining greater heights.
In extreme cases, derogatory words could lead to people’s untimely deaths. Abigail spoke encouraging words to David. They were words that God had already spoken concerning him and he realised that if he continued on the path he was threading, God’s desire for him to become king will not come to pass.
Abigail’s words reminded him of his purpose in life and he heeded to the gentle but firm reminder from God through the voice of a wise woman.
As difficult as it may seem, strive to speak encouraging words and words of life to the people around you. Every time your children or your wards provoke you, bless them, do not curse them. When your husband or boss insults or verbally abuses you, reject the curses but still bless them.
Even when you seem to have the upper hand in talking back at your husband or your subordinates at work who are not performing up to your expectations, please don’t speak down on them. Rather speak words that will energize and encourage them to be better people and you will see that they will become what you have spoken them to be.
Abigail spoke good words to David and he became the king…and she subsequently became queen.
Last but not the least approach Abigail took was:
Faithfulness & Loyalty
Abigail was a faithful and loyal wife; she remained even so to her mean and foolish husband Nabal. Now, this is one matter that many people would not agree with me. I don’t blame you if you are one of such because I used to be in that league too until God opened my eyes to some deep truths using Abigail life as a lesson.
Abigail may have been married to a rich pompous fool, but that didn’t make her one too. Neither did it make her a quarrelsome wife. Rather she was the opposite of her husband. For all you know, Nabal may have kept some concubines to satisfy his sexual urges, yet still, Abigail stayed as the faithful and loyal wife. She didn’t run off leaving him to his folly, but she stayed and I am very sure she was more responsible for running the family business and sustaining the wealth Nabal was enjoying. If not for Abigail, the fool might just have squandered it all away on feasting and drinking.
How many women married to men like Nabal, can confidently say they have kept their husband’s business running despite his incompetence and remain faithful to him? How many can boldly say that they have provided for the home when their husbands have bluntly refused to? Instead, what we will have are wives who would be quick to judge their husbands with 1Timothy 5:8. My advice would be to apply Proverbs 31: 10-31 to her life and leave 1Timothy 5:8 to God and the man.
Nobody looks forward to having a bad marriage or terrible relationship but par adventure anyone finds themselves in such a situation, always look to Christ Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith to receive wisdom like Abigail to deal with each problem accordingly. I also strongly believe that using the Abigail Approach will go a long way to moulding us into virtuous and wise women of our generation.
However, before I go there’s one thing I have to say, Even as you try to apply the Approaches to your situation, should you be a victim of physical abuse in any kind of relationship, please for the safety of your life, you should seek help and wise counsel. Should your life be at stake, please leave that environment to a safer and more conducive place and report to relevant authorities.

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