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I wrote this article in 2010, years before I had a divorce. I felt I should share it with you because it is apt for everyday life.
Solomon, you had a divorce? Yes, regrettably and painfully so. I learned quite a lot through it, and I am still learning. Perhaps someday one would share the lessons.
Three points first: 1. In your marital life, be committed to following God’s prescription for marriage and not yours. NEVER discount God’s word! 2. Never take your spouse for granted. 3. If you fail and fall, get up. If you fall again, get up again. You learn; you move on, and then you succeed.
Committing to do things God’s way and not yours, is not as easy as it is said. But our life is not about ease; it is about His will been done in our lives. And you never forget that with God, all things are possible! I hope the article blesses you.
A Promise is a Promise
I set up Wordworth Publishing in 2003. However, Wordworth International Ministry (a non-denominational, not for profit Christian organisation) was established, with the mission to make True Disciples and raise Servant-Leaders in the Body of Christ.
We have the vision to build a team with a seven-fold thrust: spiritual disciplines, evangelism, discipleship, leadership, ministerial training, biblical scholarship, and humanitarian support; to fulfil the mandates of Ephesians 4:12-13 and 2 Timothy 2:2; to equip God’s people for works of ministry, and commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.
Among the spiritual disciplines is what we call Christian conduct. It is about how we ought to live in the world:
We rejoice in saying with complete honesty and a clear conscience that God has empowered us to conduct ourselves in a holy manner and with no hidden agenda. God’s marvellous grace enables us to minister to everyone with pure motives, not in the clever wisdom of the world. This is especially true in our dealings with you -2 Corinthians 1:12, TPT.
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Saviour Jesus Christ -Titus 2:12-13, NKJV.
To live godly is to live our lives the way God wants us to: after the character example of Jesus Christ.
Christian conduct has its roots in the internal makeup of the believer. He is a New Creation, working outwardly, what he is already on the inside. In this world, he is as Jesus is. (1 John 4:17). Integrity is part of that makeup.
Worldliness is not necessarily about dressing like the world. It is reasoning like the world. It is conforming to worldly patterns in our mind, which results in us behaving and compromising our faith. Thinking like the world, leads to speaking, acting and behaving like the world. Most times, the nuances are very subtle (Romans 12:1-2).
You are leaving home for work, and your little child starts crying to go along with you, and then it drops from your mouth- “Hey Junior don’t cry, daddy is going to buy you a bicycle when he returns.” End of tears!
Have you ever made a promise you did not keep? Regrettably, I have had instances where I did not fulfil a promise. When it comes to promises, I think there are different kinds of people: Those who make promises and keep them at all costs, no matter what or how long it takes; those who make promises and like to keep them but believe, “you don’t have to kill yourself.” Then some make them and have no intention of keeping them at all. “I needed to get her off my neck!”
There are situations in which circumstances beyond our control may result in an inability to keep a promise. Hmm! Try out Jephthah, the Israelite judge who promised God to sacrifice the first thing that came to meet him if God gave him victory in a particular battle.
God gives him victory, and he goes home rejoicing and praising God. Then as he gets to the threshold, out from the door, a fatted lamb comes bleating: blaa, blaa, here I am. Blaa, blaa, your God has provided himself with a lamb for the sacrifice. He is Jehovah Jireh.” Nah! You missed that one! It was his daughter, his only child, that came out running to welcome daddy.
“My God! Angel, why have you run out to welcome me? But she is like, “How do you mean? I have always come out to welcome you home. You want to know what happened after that welcoming?’ Find out yourself in Judges 11.
Ok Solomon, tell us, what is your stand? I do not have a stand of my own. I stand on God’s word. In my heart of hearts, I believe promises are meant to be kept. A promise is a promise. If you made it, keep it! If you do not intend to keep it, do not make it. God keeps His promises, and as His people, we should too.
The Bible admonishes us to keep our promise even to our hurt (Psalm 15:4b). But like I said, I have made promises I did not keep. Today I regret not being able to keep those promises. Some of them were foolish promises, but for others, the circumstances that would have enabled me to keep the promises changed dramatically, and I had to explain the situations to those I made them and offer my regrets and apologies.
The young man is still in secondary school. “I will marry you even if I die for it.” Foolish? Worse, reckless and stupid! “Please loan me this, I will pay you back first thing tomorrow morning, there is a payment I am expecting early in the morning.” In the morning, the payment does not come, and the promise goes up in smoke. No, it should not.
Joel Osteen told the story about how John Osteen, his father after several years of being unable to fulfill payments for some suits he had purchased, went looking for the shop owner who had relocated to another city. He found the man’s family, but the man had died. He nevertheless paid the debt in full, to the man’s family.
I do not recall making a promise that I had no intention of keeping from the onset, except perhaps in my wild years. In the recent past, I made it a personal policy not to make promises that I cannot keep, be it to my spouse, children, friends, associates or anyone.
The vow to be faithful to one’s spouse is a promise that suffers unprecedentedly from being observed in breach in our times. It is no longer held with the highest regard it demands.
I have had some private thoughts on this one, especially on the issue of how wonderful it could have been if I had married this or that other girl instead.
However, you know how one can easily believe that the grass is greener on the other side. Then you jump into the ‘greener pasture’ only to find yourself wading in a snake-infested marsh. Before you shout Jeee…susss! Anaconda, that Old Serpent has you all wrapped up. “I reject that in Jesus name. It’s a lie from the pit of hell! Is this a bad dream or what?” But wait, you need to ask yourself, how did I get here?
Quite frankly, I am grateful to God that I have kept the promise to be faithful to my spouse in all of our about 13 years of marriage and by the grace of God, I pray to keep it so.
I have never been unfaithful to my spouse. Is it that no “foxy-mama” has been foxy enough? I do not think so. I have had to depend on the grace of God all the way and keep my eyes open, not allowing myself to succumb to the deception, that I cannot fall. I am fixing my eyes on my wife. Wandering eyes quickly lead to wandering feet.
“Pastor you are a man of God, no other woman is going to come after you.” Are you kidding me? Hear this. A sudden accommodation challenge compelled me to relocate to a hotel for over two months, recently.
Within the first three weeks, I observed someone try a key on my door after midnight about twice. I reported this to the management. One afternoon a lady tried the door, I quickly got up and opened the door, and there was this notorious young girl. I was livid. “I’m very sorry sir, I did not know you were inside; I wanted to clean the room.”
A few days later, in the night, the door lock jammed. The manager said, “It’s late, and the staff that would fix the door is not around. Please can you manage it for the night?” “No way, I’m not going to sleep in this room without a lock! I insist you let me have another room.” The lock was fixed in less than 30 minutes!
Sometime later another staffer, a beautiful girl I must say, who had been trying to get friendly, offered, “Pastor you must be spending so much money on hotel bills, I live in a one-bedroom flat in the neighbourhood, you can move in”. I replied, “Are you moving out?” End of the offer!
Solomon, you must be living on Mars. At least, I am not ruling from there. You remember a former Nigerian Minister of Justice who told us that the president can rule from Mars.
Ok, seriously, in the book, When Men Think Private Thoughts, chapter 12: The Formation of Character, Gordon McDonald makes it clear that “Character is always being tested.” And he says, “Character is important to you when you start asking yourself questions, and one of those questions you must ask yourself is, How powerful is the drive within me to keep promises, vows, and covenants?”
I am desirous for that drive to become a burning passion within me. Using Steve Farrar’s words, “I want to finish strong. I don’t want to screw up”. I don’t want you to screw up either.
We live in a world where commitment to keeping promises or vows is often the exception and not the rule. I believe that as God’s people, we ought to be different, and we are.
It is time we begin to make quality decisions that reflect who we are- God’s men and women! Let us encourage ourselves to keep the promises we make.
A promise is a promise, right? Yeah, a promise is a promise!
Thank you. Do not forget to keep living loving and learning.
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Great perpective on the gravity of making a promise and how it plays into defining our character. Even the so called little promises.