A Letter to My Brothers: Let us be Men Indeed

My late father had seven boys who are now seven men, of which I am third. (Six men rather, one of us passed on some years ago). I love my brothers!

In any case, when I use the term ‘My brothers’ here, I am referring to men in general, especially those of the household of faith.

I have been writing for quite some time, even before I gained admission to the University. The LoveWorld Voice was the first of a widely circulated publication in which I wrote an article every week when I was a pastor at the University of Benin. It was a simple 2-4 paged bulletin with basic typeset. 

If my memory serves me well, we did our best to have them distributed to every door in the hostels, staff quarters and off-campus locations surrounding the campuses at Ugbowo and Ekenhwan, early on Sunday mornings.

What is always with me is the passion to share my thoughts on life issues, which I believe the Lord leads me to do. Life happens, and the things that affect us are myriad. 

Majorly, my aim has always been to equip myself and other people with vital information necessary for attaining and living faithful, fruitful, meaningful and purposeful lives, in all ramifications. And the greatest source and foundation for that information is the Bible. 

From time to time, as I write, I have had readers ask me, please can you write about this or that subject? Obliging them, whenever I could, has always being a pleasure for me. And come to think of it, I would be delighted to hear from you, and respond to pressing or vital questions that may be bothering you. You can write to me through this e-mail address: contact@solomonaror.com. 

Well, let us get down to brass tacks, as one of my brothers, Ovuai, used to say when we were younger.

A man’s life, it is said, is shaped by his associations: the friends he keeps; the programmes- TV, radio, movies, music, he watches and listens to; the books and magazines he reads, and the websites he spends most of his time browsing on the internet. 

Have you ever taken time to examine these ‘associations’ in your life and how they may be influencing you, positively or negatively? Brothers, we are the main influencers in our homes, we need to be careful about what we allow into our hearts and minds. 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it -Proverbs 4:23, NIV.

There is a statistic which indicates that a large percentage of men spend a lot of time on pornographic material online. And many of them are Christians. They are hooked to this habit, like a drug addiction. 

Brothers, we cannot afford to allow this instrument of evil to continue destroying our lives and our relationships; our marriages and homes. I have a blog article on pornography. But for now, we leave that for another day.

I believe books remain the most important tools for self-development, value building and life transformation available to humanity today. However, the internet, particularly social media, have become vital molders of culture, values and morality in our Post-Modern world. 

Over the years, in seeking to improve my life, become a better person and be a blessing to my family and my world, I have gleaned quite a bit from books and a number of these concern men.

Three of the most important ones for me are Finishing Strong: Going the Distance for Your Family, by Steve Farrar (My first copy of this beautiful book was a gift from a friend, Michael Giwa-Amu. Books are excellent gift items.) The second book is When Men Think Private Thoughts: Exploring the Issues that Captivate the Minds of Men, by Gordon McDonald, and the third is The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, by Patrick Morley.

Daily, as a man, I strive to improve and to be the best I can be, to have and live a life that is pleasing to God in all ramifications. These books have blessed me tremendously in that regard. They have continued to shape my thoughts and values as a man. I hope that you would get the books and read them yourself. I am still growing. It is a continuous process. I am not there yet, but I have left.

If there are other good titles you have read and found life-transforming, I would be delighted to have you share them with me. I believe I would be blessed reading them also. Proverbs 27:17 says, Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend (NKJV). 

You may have been challenged in several areas of your life as a person, especially if you are a man. Personally, it seems every area of my life as a man has been challenged (sometimes with great intensity) one time or the other.

Often, the values you hold to be tried and true are attacked as being outdated or irrelevant for our times. In some cases, it may seem they are not even working at all, and you are made to look stupid when you choose to stand your ground and refuse to follow the patterns of the world.

I remain convinced that, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (see Job 28:28; Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 1:7; 9:10; 15:33; Isaiah 33:6). God’s principles always work when we work them, and will ultimately prevail!

As men, we tend to be foolish by default, being wise in our conceits. However, we begin to develop the capacity for true wisdom when we start to seek God and to revere Him. To know God, His thoughts and His ways, and to walk in them, is where true wisdom begins. 

I believe, wise men like the Magi (the wise men from the East), still ‘seek Jesus.’ Every wise man (and woman too!) should read these practical books. They run a common thread: they are all based on the principles of God’s eternal Word, the Bible.

There can be no greater or wiser foundation for one’s life than the Living Word. So my brothers, let us read the Bible every day. It is not an outdated book.  

Many people have tried to define who a real man is and what may characterize him. In page 62 of his book Finishing Strong, Steve Farrar quotes a book written by Thomas Watson in 1666, The Godly Man’s Picture. (Hmmm, Solomon, this is 2021)

Please be patient. Biblical principles are timeless. Fundamentally, mankind has remained the same from the beginning of the world. His fortunes and living standards may have improved, but his core nature has not changed. 

Watson lists 24 characteristics of what he calls a “Godly man.” I would call him the True man. (I have some comments in brackets): According to Watson, a godly man is:

1. A man of knowledge (He knows ignorance is not bliss. It challenges our lives. Knowledge is life, so he seeks the knowledge of the truth).
2. A man moved by faith (Are you moved by faith? Living by faith pleases God).
3. A man fired by love (Love for God, spouse, children and neighbour).
4. A man like God (It is the goal of faith to be like God in character?)
5. A man careful about the worship of God (He worships the One true God, not money, self and fame, and he takes his worship seriously)
6. A man who serves God, not men (If you go to church, who do you go to worship, God or your pastor? When you go to work, are you working for the Lord or your boss?)
7. A man who prizes Christ (How do you see Christ, as Lord, Saviour or just another good teacher? Is He the most valuable person in your life?)
8. A man who weeps (Who told us the lie that “big boys don’t cry?” Jesus wept, and there is no ‘bigger boy’ than Jesus (John 11:35)).
9. A man who loves the Word (We must love the Word, read it consistently and with relish)
10. A man who has the Spirit of God residing in him (That is, he allows to Holy Spirit be in control of his life).
11. A man of humility (The way up is down and pride precedes destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall -Proverbs 16:18)
12. A man of prayer (Prayer expresses dependence on God and not on self: when you pray, your faith in God carries you but when you do not, you carry your faith and it becomes a burden).
13. A man of sincerity (Honesty has in many quarters become an outdated virtue because many believe the lie that you cannot succeed with it).
14. A heavenly man (A heavenly man is one who seeks after God and His kingdom first).
15. A zealous man (He has passion and gives his all to his family and his best to his carrier).
16. A patient man (This is a key virtue of a true man. He remains the same no matter the circumstance. He is serene at home and outside of it).
17. A thankful man (He maintains a heart of gratitude towards God and people. The phrase ‘thank you’ is always upon his lips)
18. A man who loves the saints (He loves God’s people. You cannot say you love God when you do not love your brethren).
19. A man who does not indulge in sin (He does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners nor sit in the seat of the scornful, but hides God’s word in his heart that he might not sin against Him. Psalm 1)
20. A man who is good in his relationships (He is gracious and kind in his relationships with people especially with his wife and children).
21. A man who does spiritual things in a spiritual manner (As a spiritual person, he sets his sights on unseen things and directs his life accordingly without hypocrisy).
22. A man thoroughly trained in religion (This means that he schools himself in the knowledge, understanding and practice of God’s word).
23. A man who walks with God (He is constantly open to God and His leading and follows closely).
24. A man who strives to be an instrument for making others godly (He is the salt of the earth and light of the world, seeking to be an example in both word and deed to bring many into God’s kingdom.

As a man , what is your picture of the real man? What do you think about Thomas Watson’s list? How do you score on his scale?

I believe that our commitment as men is to continually allow the process of becoming true men to be fruitful in our lives. We should continually strive to leave a lasting legacy for our sons and daughters by being men who are true to God, to their faith and their consciences.

Brothers, let us put our errors, failures and even successes we gloat about behind us. It is time to move forward, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Let us be men indeed!

Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong -1 Corinthians 16:13, KJV.

Thank you. Do not forget to keep living, loving and learning.

Also read:  Fatherhood:  The Many Sides of a Father

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